


He Says Nothing

by captain_trash



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Angst, Dolley Madison Being a Boss, Love Confessions, M/M, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-30
Updated: 2017-05-30
Packaged: 2018-11-07 01:29:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,505
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11048460
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/captain_trash/pseuds/captain_trash
Summary: Thomas introduced James to Dolley. The rest should be history, but Thomas can't get over the pain in his heart. Thankfully, Dolley has a plan up her sleeve.





	He Says Nothing

**Author's Note:**

> Based on @avenoire‘s fanart. 
> 
> I tried. That’s all I’m gonna say.

Thomas should be happy. He should be overjoyed to see such a happy couple standing in the corner of the room, clearly hiding from the dancers on the floor. He should be glad that his best friend had found such a lovely partner. He should be proud of himself for introducing them and starting their whole relationship. He should feel better about everything. 

But he didn’t. He felt worse. Sometimes, he wished he could turn back time and stop James from ever meeting Dolley. He wished he could tear them away from one another. He wished he could tell James how he felt. He wished that they could go back to the way things used to be, but it was too late. It was only a matter of time before James and Dolley made it official. Thomas was simply waiting to hear the news. 

Honestly, Dolley was perfect. She was smart and funny. She had a quick wit and a way with words that could destroy anyone’s argument before they even got to finish. She also had a terrible habit of making puns. They were horrible, simply horrible, but they always made James’ laugh, even when he was having a bad day. 

Dolley was strong-will, in the best way, and confident in herself. She refused to back down from a challenge. She would not be ignored by anyone. She pushed James to be more outspoken and forward with his own ideas and plans, but in a gentle way that didn’t make James feel uncomfortable. She brought out the best in James. Made him less shy and more active. 

Dolley was truly beautiful with her dark eyes, lovely smile and stylish head scarves. She was stunning in her long sleeved dress. It matched James’ suit perfectly, which had been part of Thomas’ plan. Dolley was kind, thoughtful, cunning....Thomas could go on forever. She was perfect, simply perfect. A perfect match for James. A perfect person in every god damn way. 

Thomas almost wanted to hate her, but he couldn’t. He knew that he wanted to be more like her. Wanted her confidence. Wanted her beauty and thoughtfulness. The way she could always make James laugh. The way she could make him smile as if she was the sun. James never looked at Thomas like that. He never would. Thomas knew that. He always knew that he had no chance with someone like James. James would always be more then Thomas deserved. 

James was smart, and funny, and strong, and thoughtful, and everything that Dolley was. Everything that Thomas wasn’t. They belonged together. They were clearly soulmates, but that didn’t help lessen Thomas’ pain. It wasn’t easy to see them together. It wasn’t easy to know that he had truly lost his chance. 

Thomas had tried to tell James how he felt multiple times. He flirted with James for months, trying to test the water and see if there was anything there, but James never responded to his advantages. He would scoff at Thomas’ compliments. Brush off Thomas’ gifts. Ignore Thomas’s clear invitations to spend more time together. Every time, a little more of Thomas’ heart broke away. 

Thomas tried to gain enough courage to tell James the truth, to explain his feelings and show that he was truly serious, but when he stood in front of James, the words ran away. Thomas was weak. A coward. He didn’t deserve James. James deserved the best, and that certainly wasn’t Thomas. At least James was happy. At least Thomas got to see him smile, even if it was at someone else. At least he still had James in his life. 

For now. 

Suddenly, James looked Thomas’ way. Thomas was shocked for a moment but he quickly wiped the scowl off his face and offered James a bright smile. He gave James a thumbs up, trying to be encouraging and supportive. James gave him a grateful look and a soft smile then turned back to Dolley. Thomas’ hand fell to his side. He watched them for a few more minutes before giving up. He couldn’t take it anymore. 

Thomas slipped through the crowd and rushed out into the garden. The cool air helped calm his nerves, but it couldn’t chase away all the pain. He wrapped his arms around himself as he walked down the winding path. He stopped when he arrived at a large foundation, taking a seat at the water’s edge. Thomas dipped his fingertips into the cold water. 

James was everything to Thomas. He always knew how to help Thomas through his anxiety. He understood Thomas’ fear of crowds and speaking to new people. He was aware of Thomas’ odd habits and he never judged. Never looked down on Thomas. He would laugh at Thomas’ jokes at all the right times. He read countless drafts of Thomas’ bills, never once complaining about the work. He was always kind and helpful. Always smart and gentle. Always perfect. 

Thomas loved him so much. 

He watched his fingers move through the water. It was true. He loved James more than anyone else. He would do anything for James, anything, but James would never know because Thomas was too much of a coward. Too weak. Too sensitive. Too much, too much, too much. Why couldn’t be be better? Smart? Braver? Less of a failure?! 

_Splash!_

Thomas let his anger take control, hitting some of the water out of the foundation. It didn’t make him feel any better. If anything, it made him feel worse. He was reduced to fighting with water. Thomas wiped at his eyes, hating himself for getting so emotional. Tears never fixed anything. Tears couldn’t change his situation. 

“What did the foundation do to you?” a soft voice wondered. Thomas stood up quickly, nearly falling backwards at the sight of Dolley a few feet away. 

“It was giving me an odd look,” Thomas joked. He put a bright smile on his face and hoped that his eyes were clear of any pain. Dolley looked him up and down before walking over to take a seat by the foundation. Thomas glanced around in confusions. 

“Where’s James?” Thomas asked. 

“Talking with someone,” Dolley answered. That didn’t tell Thomas a lot, but he didn’t try to push. He put his hands behind his back, studying the trees and bushes in the garden. 

“You should tell him,” Dolley said gently. For a moment, Thomas tried to pretend he didn’t hear her, but he didn’t last long. 

“Don’t,” Thomas snapped. “You don’t know what you’re talking about and I would rather you not imp-”

“Don’t lie to me,” Dolley cut him off. Her voice was like iron. Thomas wanted to turn and run. Instead, he looked at his feet to avoid her piercing eyes. “I’ve seen the way you look at him, as if you need him to survive like a fish needs water. I’ve heard the way you talk about him, the way you sing his praises and build him up with your words. I’ve noticed how you appear so heartbroken when he’s not looking. You love him. It’s easy to see.” 

“Apparently not,” Thomas muttered. James never noticed. Or he did notice but didn’t care. Both thoughts were equally horrible. 

“You should tell him,” Dolley insisted.

“I rather not,” Thomas protested. “I really rather not.” 

“Why not?” Dolley pushed, crossing one leg over the other. Thomas glared at her, pressing his lips together. Perhaps he should add cruel to Dolley’s list of traits. He hated her. He hated her so much. She looked so calm, so well put together as she sat there. She didn’t understand how much it hurt. She didn’t know how it felt to love someone and know that they didn’t want you too. 

“Thomas,” Dolley begged softly. 

“I rather not,” Thomas repeated, his voice cracking. His eyes started to sting. He couldn’t hate her, not when her voice was so gentle, her eyes so kind. He wished he could. He wanted to so badly. 

“Why not?” Dolley asked again. She reached out and took Thomas’ hand, giving it a soft squeeze. 

“Because it won’t change anything,” he growled, ripping his hand from her grip.  
“It could,” Dolley argued. 

“It won’t!” Thomas shouted. Dolley was unfazed by his anger. It died down quickly. Could it? Could confession change everything? No...no it couldn’t. James never showed any interest. He never made any comments or gave Thomas any signs. Thomas could never tell him. Never. “It won’t.” Quieter the second time. 

“You love him right?” 

“I love him more than anything,” Thomas agreed, finally giving in.

“Then tell him,” Dolly encouraged. 

“I can’t. I’ve tried. But I’m too scared to. I can’t lose him,” Thomas confessed. He wrapped his arms around his waist, curling in on himself. 

“Why do you love him?” Dolley wondered. She turned her attention to the garden. Thomas studied her face. He found no hint of judgement. No touch of anger. No signs of jealousy. She was asking simply to ask, looking away as if she didn’t care about his answer. He shouldn’t tell her. He really shouldn’t, but he had never gotten the chance to explain it to anyone else. Thomas didn’t even have to think about how to say it. The words just came out. 

“How could I not? He’s smart and funny, even though his jokes are usually horrible. He’s kind, the kindest person I know. And thoughtful. Cunning. Sweet. He’s...he’s great,” Thomas paused, fixing his jacket nervously. “And...and I think because he’s my best friend. James is the only person who truly knows me. The real me. He’s always been there for me and I’m grateful for everything he’s done to help me. He’s perfect. I’ve always loved him.” 

“You could still tell him,” Dolly pointed out. 

“It’s a little too late now,” Thomas replied. He sighed, shaking his head. “I’ll be okay as long as he’s happy.” 

“I don’t think it’s too late,” Dolley replied, nodding her head over his shoulder. Thomas narrowed his eyes at her in confusion for a moment before slowly turning to look behind him. He stumbled back at the sight of James. His stomach jumped into his throat. He stared at James in terror. 

“J-J-ames, I-I-I can explain,” Thomas choked out. 

“I told you I was right,” Dolley declared, standing up from the foundation and smoothing her dress down. What? Thomas glanced at Dolley in shock. She looked pleased with herself, as if she wasn’t concern that Thomas’ life was falling apart. She had tricked him! This had all been a horrible joke. He knew he shouldn’t have trusted her. How could she do this to him? James looked at Dolley, then back at Thomas before spinning on his heels and walking away. 

“James!” Dolley shouted in shock. Thomas swore he heard something inside him shatter. He stared after James, feeling numb and empty. Dolley rushed after James, screaming his name and demanding he stop. Thomas barely noticed. His feet started moving before he could stop them. He walked back into the house. The party was still going on. People drinking and laughing. Couples flirting. Men and women dancing. Thomas wandered through the crowd until he got to the front door. 

“Mister Jefferson?” a servant asked. “Shall I get your carriage?” Thomas nodded, unable to speak. He knew the truth. He had been right all along. James felt nothing for him. Thomas had ruined the greatest friendship he had ever had. All because he couldn’t control his heart. 

“Jefferson?” a soft voice asked. Thomas relaxed at the familiar sight of his right hand man. 

“It’s time we return home, Travis,” Thomas said. His voice sounded odd. Void and empty. 

“Are you feeling well, sir?” Travis wondered, guiding Thomas down the stairs with concern written across his face. 

“I’m fine,” Thomas answered. “Just take me home.” Travis nodded and helped Thomas climb into his carriage. Thomas sat back, glancing out the window at the house. What a fool he was. A damn fool. Love was never for him. He had already learned that lesson. Yet here he was, learning it once again. Thomas shut the curtains, moving away from the window and knocking on the top of the carriage to signal that he was ready. Thomas tilted his head back and let it hit against the carriage wall. The thud and pain satisfied him. 

“Wait!” a strained voice called. The door to the carriage was ripped open. Thomas jumped back, raising his hands for a fight until he realized it was only James. Thomas’ relief was short lived. He lowered his hands and looked away in shame. He had a horrible feeling that he knew why James was here. 

“Mister Madison,” he muttered. It was best to be polite. Let James say his piece. Let him tell Thomas to stay away from him. Let his angry destroy the last shard of Thomas’ heart. 

“Thomas,” James replied. “I can explain.” 

“You don’t have to,” Thomas assured him. “I completely understand.” 

“You don’t,” James protested, a hint of irritation in his tone. 

“I do.” 

“You don’t!” 

Thomas glanced down at his hands, giving up on the fight. Clearly James wanted to say it. Why couldn’t he just spare Thomas this one time? Thomas wanted to go home and pretend that this night had never happened. That’s all he wanted. He didn’t need to hear James’ rejection. He wasn’t sure he could take it. 

“Dolley told me that you cared for me. She told me days ago,” James explained. “But, I didn’t believe her. I couldn’t let myself believe her. I never thought someone like you, someone as amazing and wonderful as you, would care for someone as plain and boring as me. When I heard what you said, I thought she had told you to say it to make me feel better. I didn’t know it was true. I didn’t know that’s how you really felt.” 

“How could you not know?” Thomas asked. “I tried to make it as clear as possible.” 

“I thought that was just how you were with everyone. You were always so nice to people, giving gifts and teasing them. I didn’t think I was special or anything. I didn’t know. Honestly, I didn’t,” James admitted, laughing awkwardly as he rubbed the back of his neck. 

“You are special. You’re everything to me, James.” 

“So are you. I love you, Thomas. I always have.” 

“We’re idiots.” 

“We are.” 

“I love you too.” 

“I know.” 

“Kiss me?” 

“Forever.” 

James’ lips met Thomas’ in a soft kiss. Thomas sighed in happiness before he was forced to pull away. He covered his face, trying to force his sobs back. 

“Thomas?! Are you alright? What’s wrong?” James asked, grabbing Thomas’ hands and pulling them away. His face was filled with worry and fear. 

“I don’t know!” Thomas confessed. The tears wouldn’t stop coming. He couldn’t help it. “I’m just really happy.” James laughed. He shook his head before kissing Thomas again. 

“I’m happy too.”


End file.
